I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
