I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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