man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
