I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
