Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
