literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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