I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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