Please, let me fuck your mom
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
