Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
