I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
