worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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