He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
