hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just want to make out with him forever
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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