He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
