Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
