So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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