Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
