There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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