I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
