Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize