the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
zippers are such a cool invention
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
