the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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