I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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