Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
