Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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