Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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