She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
