Girls should come with a carfax report
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize