we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
