I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
