So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
