Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
