I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
