I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
