there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
