I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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