omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
