Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He passed out mid-signature
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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