So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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