I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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