I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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