im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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