I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize