Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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