Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
