This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
