My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
