turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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