We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
