when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
