i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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