I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
