no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
