he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
