this beer tastes like vomit already
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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