we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
