That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
