White coat. Heels.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
