I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
