I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love having hate sex.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
