how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
