My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
