Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
