I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize