I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
