I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
