I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize