First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
