is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
