I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
