You're completely useless in the revolution.
4 words: hood of his car
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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