I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
