Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
