9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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