i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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