If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
