do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is Oprah even human
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize