I molested 6 butterflies tonight
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
