I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize