i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
