I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Everything about him screamed your future.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
