i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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