I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think my fart just growled at me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
