I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if only i could text you this smell
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Randomize