Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
