Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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