He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
