i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
