i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We need a shit load of segways right now
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize