If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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