Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
