He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
